The Fastest Slow Jam. 

It’s odd. I know I said I was taking a break but it’s late and I’m thinking (what’s new?). If my recap didn’t reveal, something has changed.

I have this feeling that…for once I cannot fully put in words. But I know it when I hear it…

And it’s not all in one song–

I feel like…

“everything that don’t make sense about me

Makes sense when I’m with you”

-Hunter Hayes

And …

“My mind is open

So wide since you came inside

I feel so alive

Without you life just passes by”

-Jhene Aiko

Which is scary because …

“Well I know you know, everything.”

-Taking Back Sunday

And since you still insist on loving me unconditionally

“all that I’m asking

Is that you handle me with caution

‘Cause I don’t give myself often”

-Alessia Cara

Which is odd because now…

“…I’m trying hard to figure out

Just how I ever did without

The warmth of your smile…”

-*NSYNC

Yeah. I just get so dazed in this feeling in the best way and…

“I’ll give my all

To you

I’ll go to war

For you

-Damiyr

Which I am sure you never thought you’d hear… from me but my friends reminded me it’s okay to be happy and…

“You can’t keep the sunsets from fading

You gotta treat your life like you’re jumping off a rope swing

Baby cause the whole thing’s really just a shot in the dark

You gotta love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart”

-Old Dominion


Honestly…

There were broken parts of me I thought would never heal until I met you thankfully and now…

“All of the stars you make them shine like they were ours

Ain’t nobody in the world but you and I”

-John Legend

I truly mean that …

“Whenever I’m alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I’m alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again”

-311

And I was perfectly fine alone. Just me and fi. Even though it has taken some convincing …

“You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I think I deserve it”

-Alicia Keys

But still…

“… you’re so brave, stone cold crazy for loving me

Yeah I’m amazed…”

-Jhene Aiko

To be real…

“All I really need is to know that

You believe

Yeah, I would die for you, yeah

Darling if you want me to

You, I would die for you…”

-Prince

Yeah it’s weird and perfect and slightly terrifying to think

“…that I can’t ever tell you enough

That all I need in this life is your crazy love”

-Thomas Rhett

For once I think I can

“Show love with no remorse…”

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

And from the first time your smile lit up the blanket fort in my living room I knew I was trapped… honored to be falling fast and hard because…

“This is the way

I wanted it to be with you

This is the way

I knew that it would be with you”

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

Advertisements

A Month in Review…

We’ve been MIA. For no “good” reason.

So let me get you up to speed the best way I know how:

480918_1646416898706484_7729664362809463658_n

I caught up with some FWENDS

17504407_1648633068484867_5708108053152715670_o17620362_1647084925306348_5785094704223798245_o17636917_1643841338964040_8581173342661665273_o

We celebrated a BIRTHDAY!

17807310_1657614060920101_7728428125703591659_o

We planted some JELLYBEANS in hopes of growing LOLLIPOPS!

17814647_1660230593991781_8541182410815127947_o

I was proud of my newly promoted BIG KID!

 

17814653_1654173737930800_6271848208755108743_o

I “CRAFTED”

17854749_1656126397735534_1286830992430625866_o

I perfected the VIBE

17880403_1666964249985082_4312198562542820224_o

…and we flew a KITE

17966373_1664945340186973_228899244231507848_o17966535_1666785436669630_7917506967719032780_o

We had visit from a bunny with GIFTS

17990315_1665325330148974_1508872670710384672_o

We deep conditioned #WASHDAY

17990642_1666800340001473_7329811794708204179_o

I SMILED

18156153_1675924739089033_7951406241835335604_o

Even through the BAD DAYS

 

I hate being away from the blog so much, specially after a whole year of this wild ride.

But I have some sad news.

Sound of Reign will be taking a hiatus and will return in JUNE!

The podcast will still be weekly– The twitters will still be poppin– and I promise the return will have a real update ! Stick with us!

The Year of Indifference

I’d be lying if I said “new year, new me” because as you can see I am still late ..af

 

its been what like 2 months? My bad– lets call it a holiday break!

So… Happy New Year/Mid January !

This will be quick because I am currently laptop shopping and iOS posts make me cringe. My laptop (well surface), has decided to retire.

I appreciate his years of service. I wouldn’t have finished college without him. Now he will only be used for Hulu and Pinterest.

Anyways—- this post

No I’m not talking about resolutions.

(You’re welcome)

Actually at the end of last year… (September – December) I realized I was goal chasing and reaching monthly. Sometimes for personal gain and sometimes I really had no choice.

In one of the last posts I talked about my own personal wellness journey (which was actually quite therapeutic) but as the year   SLOWLY crept to an end, I noticed all the things I’ve put into practice were “as needed”.

So basically this year I plan on doing a lot of things the same … but as desired.

Meaning:

  • DAILY meditation – not after my last ounce of sensible energy was exhausted on something unworthy.

SPEAKING OF unworthy- last year I did a lot of reflecting and forgiving. But I made the mistake of bundling forgiveness with acceptance. Basically, I was forgiving for people and not for myself. I still absolutely believe forgiveness is necessary for personal growth and healing. It is the rebuild I struggled with… not every relationship deserves reestablishing and I finally understand that. I am hoping this year I can really keep in mind that I can truly forgive a person for whatever hurt me or broke us or whatever, I can do so without giving them the materials to do it again. Forgiveness does not mean trust … it does not mean love … it does not mean friendship. FOR ME it means– I can step back and look at the situation as a whole, understand the cause of the damage, accept the destruction, and confidently say I understand why this happened and while I am not sure if something can put this back together… I won’t be the one to do it and won’t be attending the grand reopening.

Back to my “as desired list”

  • Regular escape I did this quite a bit last year. But again out of pure exhaustion of my surroundings. I like just taking random day trips… by myself or with fi. It’s really nice. Doing this reminded me how much I truly love myself and how I’ve grown to a point that I can enjoy my own company and try new things without encouragement. So I would like to start using my reward points and miles and such and taking some trips. I have to talk myself out of revisiting places I already know and love (sorry Boston), and go somewhere new. Suggestions?
  • “I ain’t sorry”– One great thing that came out of 2016 was my new found love for Beyoncé. Yes I am eating my words. Anyways! I am done blindly apologizing. I know this seems little but I am not going to apologize for my toddler anymore. Whether she is scream-singing in a grocery store or being super helpful at checkout making it take longer… SHES LEARNING. Some of yall are 48 taking 15 years looking for a daggone coupon that ends up being EXPIRED. So no, unless she kicks you in the shin or is uncharacteristically rude to you…I am not apologizing for my kid being a kid.
    *also! if she does not jump out of her skin to say hi to you from across the aisle she’s not rude, shes following directions. I am sure you were told not to talk to strangers. I understand your intention and appreciate your compliments. I too wave to adorable children but I DO NOT expect a friendly greeting back. I just have an incurable baby fever. Just saying…
  • This damn phone– I have to let it go. I have been better with it but not enough to show in my level of productivity. Part of my “regular escape” is going to be throwing myself into my work… like my 9-5 and all of this. Learning, progressing, creating routine to replace my pointless scrolling through IG and Facebook. I do have help with this one though, I am trying an app called “Moment” that I heard about on a podcast. It basically tracks how many times you pick up your phone, how much “screen time” you are having and what you are wasting your time doing.

I also took it a step further and turned off all of my app notifications besides my text messaging and emails. So all of the IG likes and snap chat replays are not lighting up my screen. Forcing restraint. I have a strong feeling I will be a lot happier when I am not focusing on everyone else’s internet life.

And lastly. I am giving up one of my greatest desires…

  • Candy– Outside of just overall healthier eating habits, I needed to get rid of my candy crutch. I eat candy when I am ridiculously happy or celebrating something and I eat candy when I am sad or going through something. I have eaten candy for breakfast and dinner… (just me, not my kid…she actually prefers fruit over candy). Also, my dental health is SUFFERING goodness lawd. I have never been so disappointed in myself as I was when I had a consultation with my dentist in September. In my head, if nothing hurt, I was good. I had braces way back when and I whitened my teeth professionally regularly when I was in high school. Now I am trying to teach a 3ft tall dictator how to spit in the sink and not on my slippers and I have just been putting my own pearly whites on hold. So the best thing I can do on my own is to cut out a major component to my poor dental health and use that money to save up for the work that needs to be done on my grill.

 

Welp, that’s my 2017 outlook. I am working on monthly goals with Fi so we will keep you posted on that.

This month, she is “earning” her toys. Basically the influx of “stuff” from Christmas is getting out of hand. While I knew she was going to get a bunch of stuff, I just figured that with an entire room dedicated to her toys (outside of her own bedroom), that toys would not be in my kitchen, living room, hallway, bathroom, and bedroom. I get that shes two and she does actually appreciate all of her things…but her birthday is in 2 months and there is a “cozy coupe” parked in my kitchen. It has a space…in the playroom… she knows that. So the next time she is out of the house I am going to CLEAN the playroom top to bottom and put everything in its place. as for the things in the hallway, living room, kitchen, etc. they will be for sale. We have these shelves in the kitchen and they are for decorative kitcheny things I guess but it will be a toy store for a bit. Everything will have a price and can be purchased with her Fi Bucks (yes I have already made the fake money and price sheet.)

We will sit down and talk about how this works and how she can earn her toys back (using the potty, no back talking, finishing dinner, cleaning playroom before bed) and she will get paid out at the end of the night. I mentioned it to her and she is just excited about money…surprise surprise. So we will see how that goes.

As for me… my January goal is simple, read a book. Okay…maybe not that simple. I was using audible for a while but it is meant for the go-go-go and part of my bubble of indifference is not  “going” so much and taking a moment to enjoy something stationary.

Currently reading: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

 

Thanks again for sticking it out through the hiatus, hopefully some of the things I mentioned in this post will make it so there isn’t another drawn out break. BUT IF THERE IS. The Sound of Reign Twitter (@fispeaks ) is actually functional. I have been fearful of twitter but I think its gonna be fine…probably.

-eb

The Disappearance

UGH ! Guys I am so sorry.  I specifically said…

“Look out for another post before we go on vacation”

LIES. I just ran off to my staycation.
Yes, staycation… so could I have written? YEP
Did I? Yep!

So where is all of this content?

Well for now, it is the deep dark pages of the notepad in my iPhone… I am that person.

Sh*t has been just TOO real lately friends. Like in the world… I try to stay knowledgeable on current events… I was great about it in college. I don’t want to sound ignorant but I make it a point to avoid my once favored news channels now. How do you look at the TV and see people that look like you being killed by people who are meant to protect you then see your protectors killed all on the same channel… then turn around to a living room full of fairy dust and blissful toddler imagination, with your sanity in tact?  It’s terrifying. I talked myself out of running to the store the other night for milk and icecream for two reasons… 1: I don’t need to be spending  5 dollars on Talenti and 2: because it was after dark. I live in a safe area and I do not think I have ever been targeted by anyone… but at this point I am not scared of law enforcement or BLM (not that there are protests in this area that I have seen)… I am afraid of violence in general… the past month has just been brutal on my mom mind… on me as a human being — no skin color, no sexual orientation… Just as a person who cares truly about other people… There is no need for further identification. Just as person with a heart full of love and a mind full of worry all you want to do is shield your children… and pray…

That could just be me.

Other than that my staycation has been a hustle by choice… I will never stop working… and I am finally able to choose my projects and delegate my time and truly develop some amazing things that I cannot wait to share with the world!

But… last week…

I took a pause. For a moment I have been waiting  for since my daughter was born.

MY ABSOULTE BEST FRIEND…

MY BROTHER…

MET MY DAUGHTER FOR THE FIRST TIME!

My heart melts just reliving it in my head…

  • Obvi we have facetimed back and forth and had phone conversations and social media… so there was never a disconnect between the three of us. But there is no better feeling than having the person you reach for during your highest and lowest times, back in your arms.

Wait, I am being rude …(blame my 3 day mental disconnect from society) Let me tell you about the man receiving these praises…

My brother is 5 years older than me and we have been connected at the hip since I graced the world. (The anniversary of that special date is coming up next Thursday. Just so ya know) ANYWAY– being 5 years older my brother was always burdened with the task of watching me… and despite my many attempts to end his reign… he took greatest care of me. When we got older, he became my partner in crime. I guess I passed the many tests of being locked in the basement by his idiot friends and having to clean his room to avoid my dad knowing what a badass I was when he was out. My brother taught me how to drive, how to eat (neatly) on a first date, how to pump gas in the freezing cold, how to fight (which I would never do !). Outside of me, my brother was an amazing dude growing up… he always had a ton of friends, many of which are still around to this day. I envied his charisma, he could make anyone smile just by entering the room. He is still so silly and dramatic and lovable. This was probably the greatest time I had with my brother because we are GROWN UPS. We were running the streets (ridiculous term my dad always uses when you are anywhere besides home) with a car seat now.. and it was like there was not 700 miles separating us for the past two years .

I could not squeeze him tight enough.

Outside of those couple of things my mini hiatus was just much needed break.

I snagged some cuddles from Fi.

I caught up on trash tv

I traveled outside of my comfort zone

I looked at a city from 22 stories up, amazed….unafraid

I slept. I MEAN SLEPT.

I set some goals

I forgave some hurt

I was happy

I am happy…..

Now that I am recharged… Remember how I said I was working on some amazing things? Well if you follow my social media accounts…you’d see my mentions of big changes to come. Real quick: No I am not engaged… or pregnant… or moving to a far away land. I am getting a little ballsy and releasing everything to everyone at the same time…. so family friends and followers. It will be news to everyone…

But in the meantime, I will be generic posting (trends and things that will give you life, maybe some updates to my photography page…etc etc) until I can publish all of the “notes” in my phone (legal mambojumbo) that is unless I have guest submissions or topic requests! Post them on any of our social media accounts!! I have had some people message and ask “how hard is it to be a single parent  and is it worth it?” or “How to balance school/career and an infant? ” which is awesome and I have a guest submission on one of these topics that I am excited to share (there are some other awesome single parents out there hustling) I am going to do another throwback Thursday story (like the flashback Friday virginity post) once I run it by everyone involved.  So that’s what there is to look forward to. I am always checking my messages and stuff so I am not disappearing completely. Trust me it is worth it.

If you want some irresistible sarcastic humor that you might gain something from you can do what I have been doing with all of my time in the car lately- PODCASTS! My new love affair. Do your heart a favor and step away from Facebook… backspace that ridiculous Hilary tweet… and listen to:

The Brilliant Idiots -Charlemagne Tha God and Andrew Schulz (aka my future husband). Its hilariously relevant without being overwhelming! If you watch Guy Code or Uncommon Sense you already know how funny these two are.
SUPER explicit! Not for kids… or even teens!

If that is not quite ratchet enough for you look into “The Read”-Crissle and Kid Fury. I had no idea who these two were – I knew Crissle from uncommon sense but this is a whole other level of great. This is easily when you and your best friend sit on the couch scrolling through Facebook going back and forth with “hmmm , why did so and so post all that” (maybe that’s just me and friends…) but… its an informed look at hip-hop and pop culture with a bit of shade and lots of tea. Lets not pretend we all don’t enjoy gossip every now and then (specially when it has NOTHING to do with you). Hilarious escape from reality. *again, super explicit.

If you just want to know some stuff… if you just want to sit back and absorb information… try the Embedded podcast from NPR…. yes… NPR… What? I can’t be a ratchet intellectual?

Embedded reports the news stories worth hearing but you would have to search for on your own. These podcasts go deeper into these stories and they are GOOD. Amazing reporting –every detail is clear. Two episodes that REALLY stood out to me, I mean I seriously think about these everyday are:

1: The House– the first episode of the series. The host explores an HIV Outbreak in Indiana that was onset by the abuse of a powerful painkiller. It is really amazing to hear the change in people as they are growing increasingly dependent on a drug that is truly ruining their lives.

2: The League– This is a few episodes in… I am not super “sportsy” to be real I almost skipped past this one… but if you are gonna binge, you have to commit. I am glad I did! This one goes inside of the NBA’s minor league… the “D” League… for the good enough players waiting to be drafted to a major team..if ever… this story is gripping..

 

Check it out! And let me know what you think! I am going to run because I am currently “that person” in the coffee shop with 2 minutes left on my meter!

If you don’t follow us yet do so!

Speaking of “following”(real quick I swear!) do adults still use twitter? If so… for what? No shade I just want to know. I deactivated my twitter about a year ago because I kept getting hacked… but the hacker wasn’t posting horrible things about me… he was posting horrible things about himself… weird… oh well. So anyway, I have been twitter free for about a year and I was reading about the celeb tweets about the BLM movement and all that and snooped I mean stumbled over to my little cousin’s twitter page and goodness… teenagers are the most terrifying human beings. They are mean as hell! I am so serious if she was not going in on one of her “ex bffs” (who I am sure has a twitter that she could tag but she’s not bout that life) She was COMPLAINING, past first world problems… this is a category of its own. Her tweets just looked like a MySpace survey… just answers to a bunch of personal questions that NO ONE ASKED. But that’s not even the best part… She does this thing I LOVE. She tweets like four or five tweets in a row of her personal business… she seems to take a break for an hour… then tweets “I wish every0ne would mind their own mf business.” I’m in tears from laughing so hard. Phew. The moral of this story is the next tbt post may be full examination of my MySpace from middle and high school (yes, I still have the password) and my AIM account which I am shocked still works! Well not really “ebbysosickk” is impossible to delete. After seeing teenage twitter…I won’t be doing this for a trip down memory lane… I need to prepare for battle… we have 11 years until the monster is loose. I need to know what I am up against…

 

Anyways,

Thanks so much for the kind words and messages within this past week… they seriously make this easy and I love it–and you…

-eb