One Day

One day

You’ll lose the one thing you never imagined your life without. 

For moments that feel like an eternity, everything in your life is worthless in comparison to what you lost. 

You’ll feel like it’s a dream, you want SO BADLY for it to be a dream. 

And when you realize it’s not,

You’ll react. 

You won’t know yourself. 

Your hands will throw things that once mattered to you. 

Your mouth will scream words you don’t mean. 

Your anger will destroy whatever you have left. Your despair will bring you to the floor. 

Your mind won’t care. Your heart won’t care. But your lungs work in overdrive you keep you in this moment. In this pain. 

It won’t last forever. But it will never go away.

You’ll only allow your heart to truly feel when it’s necessary. 

That love will hurt because it’s coming from a broken place wanting so badly to be fixed. 

You’re missing pieces but you still allow the damn thing to keep trying. 

Only now, even the smallest infractions cause that reaction. That explosion of emotion.

But don’t regret it. You have to work harder to love. To forgive. To give your all to someone and explain the missing pieces. 

One day. 

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The Fastest Slow Jam. 

It’s odd. I know I said I was taking a break but it’s late and I’m thinking (what’s new?). If my recap didn’t reveal, something has changed.

I have this feeling that…for once I cannot fully put in words. But I know it when I hear it…

And it’s not all in one song–

I feel like…

“everything that don’t make sense about me

Makes sense when I’m with you”

-Hunter Hayes

And …

“My mind is open

So wide since you came inside

I feel so alive

Without you life just passes by”

-Jhene Aiko

Which is scary because …

“Well I know you know, everything.”

-Taking Back Sunday

And since you still insist on loving me unconditionally

“all that I’m asking

Is that you handle me with caution

‘Cause I don’t give myself often”

-Alessia Cara

Which is odd because now…

“…I’m trying hard to figure out

Just how I ever did without

The warmth of your smile…”

-*NSYNC

Yeah. I just get so dazed in this feeling in the best way and…

“I’ll give my all

To you

I’ll go to war

For you

-Damiyr

Which I am sure you never thought you’d hear… from me but my friends reminded me it’s okay to be happy and…

“You can’t keep the sunsets from fading

You gotta treat your life like you’re jumping off a rope swing

Baby cause the whole thing’s really just a shot in the dark

You gotta love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart”

-Old Dominion


Honestly…

There were broken parts of me I thought would never heal until I met you thankfully and now…

“All of the stars you make them shine like they were ours

Ain’t nobody in the world but you and I”

-John Legend

I truly mean that …

“Whenever I’m alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I’m alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again”

-311

And I was perfectly fine alone. Just me and fi. Even though it has taken some convincing …

“You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I think I deserve it”

-Alicia Keys

But still…

“… you’re so brave, stone cold crazy for loving me

Yeah I’m amazed…”

-Jhene Aiko

To be real…

“All I really need is to know that

You believe

Yeah, I would die for you, yeah

Darling if you want me to

You, I would die for you…”

-Prince

Yeah it’s weird and perfect and slightly terrifying to think

“…that I can’t ever tell you enough

That all I need in this life is your crazy love”

-Thomas Rhett

For once I think I can

“Show love with no remorse…”

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

And from the first time your smile lit up the blanket fort in my living room I knew I was trapped… honored to be falling fast and hard because…

“This is the way

I wanted it to be with you

This is the way

I knew that it would be with you”

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

A Month in Review…

We’ve been MIA. For no “good” reason.

So let me get you up to speed the best way I know how:

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I caught up with some FWENDS

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We celebrated a BIRTHDAY!

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We planted some JELLYBEANS in hopes of growing LOLLIPOPS!

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I was proud of my newly promoted BIG KID!

 

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I “CRAFTED”

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I perfected the VIBE

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…and we flew a KITE

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We had visit from a bunny with GIFTS

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We deep conditioned #WASHDAY

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I SMILED

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Even through the BAD DAYS

 

I hate being away from the blog so much, specially after a whole year of this wild ride.

But I have some sad news.

Sound of Reign will be taking a hiatus and will return in JUNE!

The podcast will still be weekly– The twitters will still be poppin– and I promise the return will have a real update ! Stick with us!

What (my) Friends are for. 

At 23, I’m glad to say I only have 4 close friends. I’ve figured out what some people don’t learn until like age 30: not everyone is your friend.

Thing is… my friends…

Well. They are the realest. In all aspects in my life, my friends are helpful in guiding me to greatness (or pettiness, depends on the day).

Like relationships:

The things I am looking for when foundation shopping these days.


When I need advice getting my grown woman on. 

Or just a quick uterus check in between shopping for Christmas gifts:


And we aren’t here for the new “best” friends:


They share their vision with me…even if I don’t always “see” it:

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But we don’t always agree:

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But ya know, hatas gonna hate (hate. hate. hate. hate). 

No matter what though, they are always amazingly supportive:



Ugh– I love those ladies.

So the reason I wanted to post this today outside of the fact is that we all need a good laugh after this past weekend, was to start a discussion about love. I talk about “enjoying my own company” quite a bit but I do not want downplay the importance of having a great support system.

One great thing about my friend group is there is a person for everything, a person to call for toddler drama, a person for my intellectual struggles with society, a person for my “let me tell you every gross detail” stories, and a person for my “boy” troubles. Of course all of them fall into my petty gossip group and my “I just need to cry, pretend like you can make out what I am saying” group.

The people you are friends with should be people that you both respect and admire. Basically, if I woke up tomorrow and I was one of these women for a day, I’d be happy. These women have all built lives for themselves IN THEIR TWENTIES, that deserve recognition. I keep a very small circle and I make it a point to have people in my life that encourage me without words. Their drive and success motivates me. That’s important!

It is essential to have people that you can break down around and they don’t just see you as a broken person that they are constantly having to rebuild. The people in my life are my insurance that I will never FULLY break. My friends are like my teammates that are helping me limp off the field and while I am on the bench they are out fighting for me. They are able to tell me when I am wrong and they are my push when I am right and on the right path.

Over the years I have learned that if you truly love yourself inside and out and treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve, it is hard to find people who love you the way that you love you. People who will put you first when its necessary not because you are helpless but because YOU DESERVE IT.  Those are my friends. Thank you fwends.

So while it is nice to be good on your own be careful not to be that person who is against the world. Make sure you are being this friend for other people, try not to get too wrapped up in your own shit. Selfishness is necessary every once in a while, but make sure your friends know that you appreciate them, love them, need them, and are happy to have them.

In other news…

Thinking of updating the “feedback from fi” and putting it on its own tab on the site. so that is what I have been working on along with some other crazy little projects.

Be sure to subscribe via email. “Like” Sound of Reign on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @fispeaks … all that good stuff.

All Love!

-eb

 

 

To you, with love. 

Uh… Hey,

I know this seems crazy– ME writing YOU a letter. Seems like we should just be able to talk… I mean everything I’m going to say, you should already know.

I love you. Seriously and deeply. I admire you.

But

you’ve changed.

I can see it. You’re amazing. You’re so hard working yet you feel like you aren’t doing anything. You shrug off compliments and I guess that’s fine because you stay humble or whatever but just promise me you’ll at least feel it when you lie down at night. But I am sure you are the best you’ve ever been. Back in high school you were a cocky little jerk and you were not even close to half the person you are now! Can you see it? Tell me you see it. I know you never want to be content in your accomplishments but you also have nothing to prove to anyone. So be happy please. Appreciate this life, right now.

Now give me a second because I know talking about love and commitment makes you squirm. Did I mention that I love you? Is that ok? Many others do too.

Yeah You! Damn where do I start? You have these tiny little moles so perfectly placed all over your body. The seemingly new freckles under your eyes. More under the left than right. I don’t remember those being there before but I do not know that I’ve ever seen the real you until recently. Worth the wait though. I appreciate your simplicity and when it’s just us you seem to feel so comfortable. But when asked by others you turn everything I love into a joke. As if you wouldn’t be accepted if you didn’t tear yourself down. I like to think it’s because you know you are intimidating. You carry strength in every step, confidence in every word. Don’t suppress that for strangers, embrace it and encourage them. If they don’t like it, that’s ok! My love for you far surpasses what ever the world could offer your heart.

And while we are on the topic. Your heart… I’m no doctor, but this isn’t normal. It seems to be reconstructed, poorly. What is this? scotch tape? Not everything needs a “quick fix”… This thing is important and it seems to always be out on the front line to take a beating. I know you. I know you love hard and you never accept half of the love in return. Not that anyone before was worth the hurt that might have come from fully letting them in. And I know you’ve forgiven all that hurt you partially because you feel responsible but outside of that you are just that way. Forgiving to a fault. Remember those nights you basically jumped out of bed from the nightmares from the person you’ve “forgiven” is it forgiveness or fear? You say you have too much happiness surrounding you to be unhappy. I believe it but I don’t think you should rely on those things to make you happy. When I think about you I think you should wake up happy, I think you should be happy looking in the mirror. And you’re allowed to be down and out every once in a while. Life can really give it to you sometimes. Allow yourself time to heal. It will work wonders in the long term. Yes the long term I’ll be there every step of the way loving you the same if not more.

So yeah. You should just let me love you. Appreciate you. Explore you. Because I want to be your best friend. Give you a love you’ve been waiting for your entire life. I can erase any doubt you’ve ever had. You’ve never been and never will be ordinary, because you are loved. Truly. For eternity. I promise you’ll be fine, because the best love you will ever have is the love you give yourself.

signed with love,

-your truest self.

 

 

 

Plot twist ! I mean if you didn’t catch it before.

I was thinking about this for a while. Idk it may seem like selfish content or you might relate. But I needed to get it out. So yeah somewhere inside of the thoughts about work and fi and home decor and weddings… I thought about myself for the first time in a while. I began to feel…obsolete.  I needed to work out again, I needed to eat better, I needed to reflect daily. Focus very intentionally on the energy I’m putting out and what energy I allow in. How I maintain my spaces (car, house, office) I noticed a pattern. Fis room was spotless, closet organized by season and occasion. The playroom is normally clean too. But my room. The folded clothes were organized on the floor. Scattered more and more each day. My bed needed some tlc. I assembled a table/shelf backwards (and gave up) my car was part play palace, part dumpster.

I wasn’t putting myself second, I was eliminating myself completely. I thought it was me being a good mom and good person while deteriorating my body and respect for myself. So I changed it up. Switched out my morning Mountain Dew for water. My cookies and airheads for yogurt and fresh fruit. I began taking 10 minutes to myself sometimes while fi is unpacking her backpack and taking off her shoes (she normally gets distracted by a toy or book) and mama “goes potty” or sometime after bedtime. 10 minutes to breathe and think things over or not think at all.

Now my mornings are easier. My day is more productive. I feel better. Just better. I can communicate better because I am thinking more clearly. While everything may not be going my way, not everything is not in my control.

Mind clearing methods? Additional self love encouragements for others?

If you were to write this to yourself what would you say? Could you be brutally honest and raw? Would the love you show yourself give you butterflies? Let’s hear it! Share your letter with the link to this post or the sound of reign Facebook page! If you prefer to do it for the “gram” use the hashtag #SORblog.

All the love

-eb