What (my) Friends are for. 

At 23, I’m glad to say I only have 4 close friends. I’ve figured out what some people don’t learn until like age 30: not everyone is your friend.

Thing is… my friends…

Well. They are the realest. In all aspects in my life, my friends are helpful in guiding me to greatness (or pettiness, depends on the day).

Like relationships:

The things I am looking for when foundation shopping these days.

When I need advice getting my grown woman on. 

Or just a quick uterus check in between shopping for Christmas gifts:

And we aren’t here for the new “best” friends:

They share their vision with me…even if I don’t always “see” it:


But we don’t always agree:


But ya know, hatas gonna hate (hate. hate. hate. hate). 

No matter what though, they are always amazingly supportive:

Ugh– I love those ladies.

So the reason I wanted to post this today outside of the fact is that we all need a good laugh after this past weekend, was to start a discussion about love. I talk about “enjoying my own company” quite a bit but I do not want downplay the importance of having a great support system.

One great thing about my friend group is there is a person for everything, a person to call for toddler drama, a person for my intellectual struggles with society, a person for my “let me tell you every gross detail” stories, and a person for my “boy” troubles. Of course all of them fall into my petty gossip group and my “I just need to cry, pretend like you can make out what I am saying” group.

The people you are friends with should be people that you both respect and admire. Basically, if I woke up tomorrow and I was one of these women for a day, I’d be happy. These women have all built lives for themselves IN THEIR TWENTIES, that deserve recognition. I keep a very small circle and I make it a point to have people in my life that encourage me without words. Their drive and success motivates me. That’s important!

It is essential to have people that you can break down around and they don’t just see you as a broken person that they are constantly having to rebuild. The people in my life are my insurance that I will never FULLY break. My friends are like my teammates that are helping me limp off the field and while I am on the bench they are out fighting for me. They are able to tell me when I am wrong and they are my push when I am right and on the right path.

Over the years I have learned that if you truly love yourself inside and out and treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve, it is hard to find people who love you the way that you love you. People who will put you first when its necessary not because you are helpless but because YOU DESERVE IT.  Those are my friends. Thank you fwends.

So while it is nice to be good on your own be careful not to be that person who is against the world. Make sure you are being this friend for other people, try not to get too wrapped up in your own shit. Selfishness is necessary every once in a while, but make sure your friends know that you appreciate them, love them, need them, and are happy to have them.

In other news…

Thinking of updating the “feedback from fi” and putting it on its own tab on the site. so that is what I have been working on along with some other crazy little projects.

Be sure to subscribe via email. “Like” Sound of Reign on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @fispeaks … all that good stuff.

All Love!






Trying something. Stay with me here.

If I had to describe my life to a complete stranger … Most accurately:

Imagine you’re standing on top of what seems to be the highest mountain looking down into a bunch of little valleys. You keep feeling like you see something flashing in the corner of your eye but every time you turn in that direction to see what it is, it’s dark and it looks like nothing has ever been there. Nothing could survive there … yet that fuckin flash man ! You could swear you see something there. 

That flash girl… it’s me ….hayyyyyy
I know that sounds desolate but I’m confident in my little flash.

Basically things are crazy here. More than just normal mom/single mom, mid twenties, toddler chasing crazy. And just pretending the crazy isn’t happening … isn’t possible.  And while I would prefer to not have the added outside stressors … might as well deal with it and keep my sanity intact.

I don’t want to keep putting the drama on my destiny’s child sized group of friends so how can I deal with some of these issues without dangerously internalizing stress?

That little flash. For me, that flash is a positive thought.  Soooo cheesy.

So instead of unleashing my everyday complaints on the world to receive some form of a bigger world problem that is even higher on my scale of shit I can’t solve… I’m trying to meet each complaint/problem I have with something positive that relates to it and outweighs it. It sounds … unrealistic I’m certain.


Issue: a $200 speeding ticket is gonna jam up my grocery budget.

New solution: I have a coupon for the Justin’s almond butter so I can feel better about buying a $12 spread … kinda

It’s simple yet ridiculously so complex because it’s easy to get bogged down by many stressors at once that you have no choice but to acknowledge that little flash that’s keeping you from completely loosing your god given sense. It might be extra money from something you sold on letgo … or that you got out of a conversation with the ol “nod and smile” with your earbuds in, trick. Knowing damn well your phone has been dead for at least 25 mins now.

It honestly could be sitting in the car seat in the back seat of your car… no not your kid. The pack of fruit snacks they dropped getting out of the car at daycare and now you’re five mins from work and STARVING. That’s a win for everyone really. Hungry moms arent to be tested.

Seriously though. It took someone this week to really tell me to remember me. So even though it seems like I am flying a dangerously overweight aircraft, I cannot forget that I’m the pilot of this bitch and the damn thing wouldn’t have gotten off the ground without me. You can’t get to where you want to be if you aren’t treating yourself the way you deserve whenever possible.

So just in case you had a January like mine let me throw out some words of encouragement to get us to Valentine’s Day at the LEAST.

  1. Your SnapBack is real girl, go ahead and post that selfie
  2. Everyone’s car looks/smells like that. (Blame the child)
  3. Scandal is coming back this week. So even if your world is crashing down … it’s handled.
  4. Hair wraps are “in” so sleep in girl no one knows there’s naps under there.
  5. No one will even notice that dent. But I would park somewhere else … just in case
  6. Candy sales are about to be so so so real.
  7. If none of these work– play “best I ever had” by Drake and belt out the part where he says your pretty. And know you’re better than who ever he’s talking to because you don’t even have a roommate to be sneaking around #grown


The Year of Indifference

I’d be lying if I said “new year, new me” because as you can see I am still late ..af


its been what like 2 months? My bad– lets call it a holiday break!

So… Happy New Year/Mid January !

This will be quick because I am currently laptop shopping and iOS posts make me cringe. My laptop (well surface), has decided to retire.

I appreciate his years of service. I wouldn’t have finished college without him. Now he will only be used for Hulu and Pinterest.

Anyways—- this post

No I’m not talking about resolutions.

(You’re welcome)

Actually at the end of last year… (September – December) I realized I was goal chasing and reaching monthly. Sometimes for personal gain and sometimes I really had no choice.

In one of the last posts I talked about my own personal wellness journey (which was actually quite therapeutic) but as the year   SLOWLY crept to an end, I noticed all the things I’ve put into practice were “as needed”.

So basically this year I plan on doing a lot of things the same … but as desired.


  • DAILY meditation – not after my last ounce of sensible energy was exhausted on something unworthy.

SPEAKING OF unworthy- last year I did a lot of reflecting and forgiving. But I made the mistake of bundling forgiveness with acceptance. Basically, I was forgiving for people and not for myself. I still absolutely believe forgiveness is necessary for personal growth and healing. It is the rebuild I struggled with… not every relationship deserves reestablishing and I finally understand that. I am hoping this year I can really keep in mind that I can truly forgive a person for whatever hurt me or broke us or whatever, I can do so without giving them the materials to do it again. Forgiveness does not mean trust … it does not mean love … it does not mean friendship. FOR ME it means– I can step back and look at the situation as a whole, understand the cause of the damage, accept the destruction, and confidently say I understand why this happened and while I am not sure if something can put this back together… I won’t be the one to do it and won’t be attending the grand reopening.

Back to my “as desired list”

  • Regular escape I did this quite a bit last year. But again out of pure exhaustion of my surroundings. I like just taking random day trips… by myself or with fi. It’s really nice. Doing this reminded me how much I truly love myself and how I’ve grown to a point that I can enjoy my own company and try new things without encouragement. So I would like to start using my reward points and miles and such and taking some trips. I have to talk myself out of revisiting places I already know and love (sorry Boston), and go somewhere new. Suggestions?
  • “I ain’t sorry”– One great thing that came out of 2016 was my new found love for Beyoncé. Yes I am eating my words. Anyways! I am done blindly apologizing. I know this seems little but I am not going to apologize for my toddler anymore. Whether she is scream-singing in a grocery store or being super helpful at checkout making it take longer… SHES LEARNING. Some of yall are 48 taking 15 years looking for a daggone coupon that ends up being EXPIRED. So no, unless she kicks you in the shin or is uncharacteristically rude to you…I am not apologizing for my kid being a kid.
    *also! if she does not jump out of her skin to say hi to you from across the aisle she’s not rude, shes following directions. I am sure you were told not to talk to strangers. I understand your intention and appreciate your compliments. I too wave to adorable children but I DO NOT expect a friendly greeting back. I just have an incurable baby fever. Just saying…
  • This damn phone– I have to let it go. I have been better with it but not enough to show in my level of productivity. Part of my “regular escape” is going to be throwing myself into my work… like my 9-5 and all of this. Learning, progressing, creating routine to replace my pointless scrolling through IG and Facebook. I do have help with this one though, I am trying an app called “Moment” that I heard about on a podcast. It basically tracks how many times you pick up your phone, how much “screen time” you are having and what you are wasting your time doing.

I also took it a step further and turned off all of my app notifications besides my text messaging and emails. So all of the IG likes and snap chat replays are not lighting up my screen. Forcing restraint. I have a strong feeling I will be a lot happier when I am not focusing on everyone else’s internet life.

And lastly. I am giving up one of my greatest desires…

  • Candy– Outside of just overall healthier eating habits, I needed to get rid of my candy crutch. I eat candy when I am ridiculously happy or celebrating something and I eat candy when I am sad or going through something. I have eaten candy for breakfast and dinner… (just me, not my kid…she actually prefers fruit over candy). Also, my dental health is SUFFERING goodness lawd. I have never been so disappointed in myself as I was when I had a consultation with my dentist in September. In my head, if nothing hurt, I was good. I had braces way back when and I whitened my teeth professionally regularly when I was in high school. Now I am trying to teach a 3ft tall dictator how to spit in the sink and not on my slippers and I have just been putting my own pearly whites on hold. So the best thing I can do on my own is to cut out a major component to my poor dental health and use that money to save up for the work that needs to be done on my grill.


Welp, that’s my 2017 outlook. I am working on monthly goals with Fi so we will keep you posted on that.

This month, she is “earning” her toys. Basically the influx of “stuff” from Christmas is getting out of hand. While I knew she was going to get a bunch of stuff, I just figured that with an entire room dedicated to her toys (outside of her own bedroom), that toys would not be in my kitchen, living room, hallway, bathroom, and bedroom. I get that shes two and she does actually appreciate all of her things…but her birthday is in 2 months and there is a “cozy coupe” parked in my kitchen. It has a space…in the playroom… she knows that. So the next time she is out of the house I am going to CLEAN the playroom top to bottom and put everything in its place. as for the things in the hallway, living room, kitchen, etc. they will be for sale. We have these shelves in the kitchen and they are for decorative kitcheny things I guess but it will be a toy store for a bit. Everything will have a price and can be purchased with her Fi Bucks (yes I have already made the fake money and price sheet.)

We will sit down and talk about how this works and how she can earn her toys back (using the potty, no back talking, finishing dinner, cleaning playroom before bed) and she will get paid out at the end of the night. I mentioned it to her and she is just excited about money…surprise surprise. So we will see how that goes.

As for me… my January goal is simple, read a book. Okay…maybe not that simple. I was using audible for a while but it is meant for the go-go-go and part of my bubble of indifference is not  “going” so much and taking a moment to enjoy something stationary.

Currently reading: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.


Thanks again for sticking it out through the hiatus, hopefully some of the things I mentioned in this post will make it so there isn’t another drawn out break. BUT IF THERE IS. The Sound of Reign Twitter (@fispeaks ) is actually functional. I have been fearful of twitter but I think its gonna be fine…probably.