To you, with love. 

Uh… Hey,

I know this seems crazy– ME writing YOU a letter. Seems like we should just be able to talk… I mean everything I’m going to say, you should already know.

I love you. Seriously and deeply. I admire you.

But

you’ve changed.

I can see it. You’re amazing. You’re so hard working yet you feel like you aren’t doing anything. You shrug off compliments and I guess that’s fine because you stay humble or whatever but just promise me you’ll at least feel it when you lie down at night. But I am sure you are the best you’ve ever been. Back in high school you were a cocky little jerk and you were not even close to half the person you are now! Can you see it? Tell me you see it. I know you never want to be content in your accomplishments but you also have nothing to prove to anyone. So be happy please. Appreciate this life, right now.

Now give me a second because I know talking about love and commitment makes you squirm. Did I mention that I love you? Is that ok? Many others do too.

Yeah You! Damn where do I start? You have these tiny little moles so perfectly placed all over your body. The seemingly new freckles under your eyes. More under the left than right. I don’t remember those being there before but I do not know that I’ve ever seen the real you until recently. Worth the wait though. I appreciate your simplicity and when it’s just us you seem to feel so comfortable. But when asked by others you turn everything I love into a joke. As if you wouldn’t be accepted if you didn’t tear yourself down. I like to think it’s because you know you are intimidating. You carry strength in every step, confidence in every word. Don’t suppress that for strangers, embrace it and encourage them. If they don’t like it, that’s ok! My love for you far surpasses what ever the world could offer your heart.

And while we are on the topic. Your heart… I’m no doctor, but this isn’t normal. It seems to be reconstructed, poorly. What is this? scotch tape? Not everything needs a “quick fix”… This thing is important and it seems to always be out on the front line to take a beating. I know you. I know you love hard and you never accept half of the love in return. Not that anyone before was worth the hurt that might have come from fully letting them in. And I know you’ve forgiven all that hurt you partially because you feel responsible but outside of that you are just that way. Forgiving to a fault. Remember those nights you basically jumped out of bed from the nightmares from the person you’ve “forgiven” is it forgiveness or fear? You say you have too much happiness surrounding you to be unhappy. I believe it but I don’t think you should rely on those things to make you happy. When I think about you I think you should wake up happy, I think you should be happy looking in the mirror. And you’re allowed to be down and out every once in a while. Life can really give it to you sometimes. Allow yourself time to heal. It will work wonders in the long term. Yes the long term I’ll be there every step of the way loving you the same if not more.

So yeah. You should just let me love you. Appreciate you. Explore you. Because I want to be your best friend. Give you a love you’ve been waiting for your entire life. I can erase any doubt you’ve ever had. You’ve never been and never will be ordinary, because you are loved. Truly. For eternity. I promise you’ll be fine, because the best love you will ever have is the love you give yourself.

signed with love,

-your truest self.

 

 

 

Plot twist ! I mean if you didn’t catch it before.

I was thinking about this for a while. Idk it may seem like selfish content or you might relate. But I needed to get it out. So yeah somewhere inside of the thoughts about work and fi and home decor and weddings… I thought about myself for the first time in a while. I began to feel…obsolete.  I needed to work out again, I needed to eat better, I needed to reflect daily. Focus very intentionally on the energy I’m putting out and what energy I allow in. How I maintain my spaces (car, house, office) I noticed a pattern. Fis room was spotless, closet organized by season and occasion. The playroom is normally clean too. But my room. The folded clothes were organized on the floor. Scattered more and more each day. My bed needed some tlc. I assembled a table/shelf backwards (and gave up) my car was part play palace, part dumpster.

I wasn’t putting myself second, I was eliminating myself completely. I thought it was me being a good mom and good person while deteriorating my body and respect for myself. So I changed it up. Switched out my morning Mountain Dew for water. My cookies and airheads for yogurt and fresh fruit. I began taking 10 minutes to myself sometimes while fi is unpacking her backpack and taking off her shoes (she normally gets distracted by a toy or book) and mama “goes potty” or sometime after bedtime. 10 minutes to breathe and think things over or not think at all.

Now my mornings are easier. My day is more productive. I feel better. Just better. I can communicate better because I am thinking more clearly. While everything may not be going my way, not everything is not in my control.

Mind clearing methods? Additional self love encouragements for others?

If you were to write this to yourself what would you say? Could you be brutally honest and raw? Would the love you show yourself give you butterflies? Let’s hear it! Share your letter with the link to this post or the sound of reign Facebook page! If you prefer to do it for the “gram” use the hashtag #SORblog.

All the love

-eb

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